Assassin's Creed II Events
by ntepAC
Summary: A growing collection of real events that happened to myself/others in Assassin's Creed II.
1. Where Are The Guards?

_A/N: These are REAL events that happened in Assassin's Creed II for the Xbox 360. Just… what Ezio says is what I said, responding to the weirdness… And they've been changed into story form, to give a good background. ^-^_

**Where Are The Guards?**

Ezio had already killed three guards, and another walked up to him, pushing him and yelling, accusing him of killing the guards. _Well, I did…_ He fought the guard as the people in Venezia participating in the Carnival observed, cheering Ezio on. Ezio attacked with his bare hands, aiming to disarm the guard, and then use his weapon against him. When the opening presented itself, Ezio snatched the Captain's Sword from the Agile Guard's hands, startling him, and stabbed him in the stomach. He ripped the sword out and tossed it aside, the guard falling to his knees. Ezio smirked. _Four, and no one has been able to stop me._ He decided to loot the guards of what they had. _More money can't hurt, can it?_

A woman walked up to the Guard. She began screaming. "Oh my god! Where are the guards!"

Ezio stood up and looked at the lady. "I don't know." He shrugged, looking at his pile of bodies. "You want me to go get one?"


	2. The Dead Can't Fight Back

_A/N: These are REAL events that happened in Assassin's Creed II for the Xbox 360. Just… what Ezio says is what I said, responding to the weirdness… And they've been changed into story form, to give a good background. ^-^_

**The Dead Can't Fight Back**

"And son, please, don't get into trouble, hmm?" Giovanni asked Ezio as he handed his middle son some documents.

Ezio nodded and left the Palazzo. He shrugged, deciding to take his time to get to the three objectives, then began running around on random stuff. _Lots of energy to burn… Madre's cooking is so good, but it's fattening too._

"Hey… Don't I know you?"

_Well shit. A Pazzi._ Ezio ignored the Pazzi and began to walk away.

The three Pazzi yelled and ran after Ezio.

Ezio began to sprint, really not feeling like fighting, but he turned around and fought when one of the three caught up with him. His fists flew as they degraded the three men to whimpering boys, licking their wounds as they rolled around on the ground. Ezio, being short of money, decided to take the money they had, ignoring the spectators who had gathered around.

"Well, the dead can't fight back, eh?" A spectator stepped forward and growled at Ezio.

He looked up, confused, and glared at the man. "They're not dead!"


	3. Killing Your Friend, Pt 1

_A/N: These are REAL events that happened in Assassin's Creed II for the Xbox 360. Just… what Ezio says is what I said, responding to the weirdness… And they've been changed into story form, to give a good background. ^-^ PALAZZO DUCALE!_

**Killing Your Friend Pt. 1**

"And I assume the front door is out?"

Antonio chuckled, "Alright, wise ass, we'll check the front door too."

…..

Ezio ran, leading Antonio on the rooftops, heading for the next scouting area to infiltrate the Palazzo Ducale, the most heavily guarded building in Venezia. Ezio slipped and fell into the water, and immediately looked up at the bridge that was near by. _If I don't get over there… He'll fall in and die…_ Ezio began swimming as quickly as he could towards the bridge. When he got to it, he looked up, and Antonio squatted on the stone handrail of the bridge, waiting patiently. Ezio exhaled, relieved Antonio didn't fall in. He tried to get out, but Antonio sat in the way. _Well, damn it… how am I supposed to do this?_ Ezio swam to the other low point on the same side of the bridge, and looked up, and Antonio had followed him, waiting, still in the way. He sighed and swam to the other side of the bridge, and to his dismay, Antonio was there. _What the hell?_ Ezio tried to climb up anyway, and he pulled Antonio out of the way by accident. He looked at the water as Antonio sank to his death. "Oops…"


	4. Killing Your Friend, Pt 2

_A/N: These are REAL events that happened in Assassin's Creed II for the Xbox 360. Just… what Ezio says is what I said, responding to the weirdness… And they've been changed into story form, to attempt to give a good background. ^-^_

**Killing Your Friend Pt. 2**

"So the front door is out… Let's check over there." Antonio pointed to another tower.

…..

Ezio performed a Leap of Faith, falling gracefully into a bale of hay. He looked up after getting out and watched as Antonio, a master thief, gracefully jump and climb down to the ground. Ezio and Antonio began running on foot, traveling around the west side of the building, searching for a way in. Ezio stopped and looked to the right. There were guards standing around. He looked to his left and saw a garden. They ran into there, and Ezio decided he was going to climb the ladder. Antonio stepped in front of Ezio for no reason, and Ezio gently pushed him out of the way. The breakable object next to him collapsed, Antonio dying. Ezio blinked, looking at Antonio's dead body. "Oops…"


	5. Hiding in Plain Sight

_A/N: I'm sorry this one is so short… but I thought it was really funny. _

**Hiding in Plain Sight**

Ezio walked along, following a target _Il Magnifico_ assigned. She would lead the assassin to his target, a wealthy man who threw his own parties. _He wouldn't be missed._ Ezio slowed down, afraid that she would catch him, then spotted a group of guards. A sweeper guard broke from the group as Ezio walked by a well. He turned and watched the guard.

"Is he in here?" The sweeper used his spear and prodded the empty well, searching for someone.

Ezio blinked. "He must be delusional. And I didn't even poison him." He turned and continued following the woman, who had turned the corner.


	6. Trapped!

_A/N: This one happened to my brother, but he gave me permission to post it. ^-^ Thank you for the reviews, __MasqueradeBall__ and __White Lioness Rin__!_

**Trapped!**

"Keep away, you murderer!"

Ezio's ears perked when he heard someone yell at him. He looked around, previously stalking a guard, and spotted the source of the insult. "Ah… A Courier…" Ezio smiled, his new armor some what heavy, and his money purse empty. "Perhaps I can regain some of the money I used…" Ezio quit stalking the guard and began running after the well dressed man running for his life.

"Guards! Help!" The man yelled, his red hat nearly falling off as he ran up a ladder.

Ezio followed suit, climbing onto the roof.

The courier continued running, looking behind himself to see if Ezio was following. "Assassino! Assassino! Help!"

Ezio chuckled as he ran up to the courier.

The courier looked at Ezio, panicked, then jumped onto a ledge as Ezio swung his fist.

"Shit." Ezio growled, following the courier.

"Hey! You're not supposed to be up here!"

Ezio rolled his eyes and continued following the courier, who ran out onto wires connecting the buildings together. He stopped and turned around, then stopped again. The assassin saw a guard running out onto the wires too, blocking the courier's way. Ezio stooped on the wires, blocking the other direction off. The courier looked panicked as he looked between the guard and the assassin. "Help!"

"Get down, or I'll throw you down!"

Ezio roiled his brows. He didn't know if the guard was yelling at himself, or the courier. He started to swing at the courier again, but the guard shoved the courier out of the way. Ezio's eyes widened as he watched the courier desperately grab for anything. Said anything was the guard's leg. The courier yanked the guard's leg out of underneath of him, the duo falling to the street below. Ezio blinked, watching as the dead bodies twitched. "Ma cosa…?" Ezio shook his head, and carefully climbed down to the street, looted the courier and the guard, then walked off, returning to his previous activity of stalking random guards.


	7. Death For Dinner

_A/N: Who wouldn't want to miss dinner?_

**Death for Dinner**

__Ezio swam to the ship, spotting his targets with his _Eagle Vision_. As he approached the ship, he started to overhear their conversation.

"Damn it! An hour ago! His shift started an hour ago!"

Ezio climbed to the side of the ship, interested in their conversation.

The two guards turned away from Ezio and continued speaking. "My wife is going to kill me if I miss dinner again!"

"Why would he miss his shift anyway?"

Ezio jumped up and activated his hidden blades. "Don't worry. When I'm done, she won't need to."

"Huh?" The guards turned around.

The one complaining about missing dinner yelped, "How'd you get up here?"

Ezio stabbed the duo in their eyes, killing them. The assassin jumped off the ship and continued searching for the targets, preparing Antonio's men for lighting the fires to infiltrate Palazzo Ducale.


	8. Hangin' Out

_A/N: Originally, Ezio climbed around and I said, "Just a normal day in the neighbor… OH MY GOD! What the?", but I didn't think that would work out too well with the scenario… I love the physics of the game! Oh, and _splatter-factor_, I heard that on Gears of War (I forget if it was 1 or 2…)._

**Hangin' Out**

"You shouldn't be up here!"

Ezio, having been itching for a fight, took on the Florentine Archer happily.

"Down! Ora!" The archer swung at Ezio.

"Die, ora!" Ezio taunted, blocking the swing.

The archer swung his arms, trying to keep his balance. He lurched forward, staying on the roof. He stood up and began to attack Ezio again.

Ezio dodged the attacks, then ran around behind him, stabbing him in the back. He dropped the archer on the roof. "Come now. Slide off the roof… I want to see the splatter-factor!"

The archer's body twitched, then began sliding down towards the ally. He fell, feet first, and Ezio watched as his hand got caught in a crevice, and he hung limp.

Ezio roiled his brows, and looked away. He looked at the other archers patrolling their area, then back at the hanging archer. He sighed. "Diavolo…" He jumped down onto the ledge near the guard and continued to stare. "How did that happen? That's not normal…" He jumped back onto the roof, and an archer yelled at Ezio. Ezio forgot about the previous archer and attacked the new archer, still bored.


	9. Heart Attack

_A/N: Sorry I haven't posted any new ones recently. *hides in corner* Please don't kill me! *Ahem* So yeah… Thanks for reading and reviewing Hekateras, ani-cat-candy, Rhavis, and Sono la Notte!_

**Heart Attack**

Ezio looked at his map, then at the guards. "Well… here's the next Codex Page…" The assassin put the map away and walked up to the three guards.

"Which part of your pathetic anatomy do you want removed first?" The middle guard pushed Ezio away.

"None, thank you." Ezio ran up and assassinated the middle guard. The sweeper and agile guard put their weapons up in defense.

"Get that prulo!" The sweeper growled as he tried to stab Ezio with the spear.

Ezio dodged the tip of the spear, albeit not escaping the rod. Stars floated in his vision as he tried to get up. He shook it off and assassinated the agile guard. The spear-bearing guard growled again and lunged at Ezio. The assassin grabbed the spear, yanked it away, and stabbed it through the guard's stomach. He turned loose and let the guard fall down. The spectators gathered, staring in disbelief. Ezio made no note of it and walked into the office, grabbing the Codex Page.

"Who did this?"

Ezio hid against a wall, hearing guards walking by.

"Did you see the stronzo that did this?"

After a few minutes, the assassin heard the guards walk away. He walked outside and examined his kills. He then noticed a body, a few feet away. He walked up to it. "Ma cosa?" He looked around, then back at the dead courier in front of him.

"May God have mercy on your soul…" A monk walked up to Ezio, glaring.

"I didn't kill him!" Ezio pointed to the courier. "I think he fell or something… Or his heart just stopped working."

"Out of fear of you."

"I DIDN'T KILL HIM!"


	10. The Best Day of an Assassin's Life

_A/N: Alright, this is one that Nightshade 07 shared with me. Priceless. Thank you again for sharing it with me! :D_

**The Best Day of an Assassin's Life**

"Impenetrable… Yeah right." Memories of Leonardo's flying machine flashed into Ezio's mind,

_"Ma cosa? Shoot! Shoot the flying demon!"_

Ezio smirked, remembering the storming of the Palazzo Ducale as he walked by said building. "Bartolomeo should be held captive somewhere this way…"

"Are you hiding in here, my friend?"

Ezio roiled his brows and looked to his left. A Spear Bearing Guard walked past the assassin and poked and stabbed a hay bale. He walked up, intrigued. "Hey, I'm over here! Like, two feet away from you, you idioto. Literally." Ezio looked at his feet, then stepped as close to the guard as he could, then stepped away. "Two feet."

The guard makes no note of Ezio.

Ezio cocked his head and stared at the guard. "Wow… I can hide in plain sight. Nice." He smirked. "Then that means…" Ezio walked up to the guard again and stabbed him. Not with his Hidden Blade though, but his Poison Blade. He stepped away as the guard began to walk around, his head shaking as he muttered and gibbered.

Three other guards noticed the big guard's odd behavior, and walked up to him. They followed him around.

Ezio smiled again, enjoying the entertainment as the guard began to swing his spear around, delirious.

"No! Murderer! Stay away from me!"

Ezio looked around, and a courier stood three feet away from him, behind another civilian. _"Now that's just not right… A human shield?"_ He sighed, keeping a laugh at bay. "This is too good." He muttered as he ran up to the courier, shoving the civilian out of the way, and tackled him. After he got up, the courier cowered on the ground and handed over a pouch of money. The assassin took the money, ignored the courier's pleas for mercy, and resumed watching the previous entertainment. Again keeping a laugh at bay, Ezio watched in amazement as the guard was still swinging his spear about, freaking out. The assassin seemed to zone out as he watched, fascinated as the guard fell to the ground. His limbs still flailed about for another minute until the final twitch signaled his death. The spectators who had gathered to watch walked away, resuming their normal lives as if the prior event was common. The assassin continued to stare in amazement. "That… was ridiculous… I've never seen a guard take _that long_ to die."

"What happened?"

Ezio watched as the three guards previously watching the dead guard walked up and examined his body.

"Did anyone see the killer?"

Ezio smirked. "Yeah, idioto. I've been right here. The WHOLE time." He chuckled. "You should consider yourself lucky that I didn't stick you with my Hidden Blade as it was so tempting, and I'm not good with temptation!" The assassin took off, running over the bridge into the Castello district. Ezio stopped when a Minstrel ran up to him. "Oh God… I hate you guys!" Ezio tackled him to the ground and slammed his hidden blade into the Minstrel's throat. "Probably shouldn't have been so blatant with it…" Ezio muttered as he stood up. On the contrary, no one said a word. "I must be dreaming…" The assassin noticed one spectator. "Wait… did you just smile at me?"

Not a word from the spectator as he walked away.

"Bravi!"

Ezio looked around and saw a group of courtesans. They were clapping and congratulating the assassin. "My God… I stabbed a guard with a poison blade, and no one figured out it was me. I tackled a courier to the ground and took his money, but no one noticed or even cared, due to the berserk guard. I killed a Minstrel and people are congratulating me? This is the best day of my life…" Ezio smiled widely and walked away, searching for Bartolomeo.


	11. Where Do They All Come From?

_A/N: Thank you everyone who has been reading, reviewing, and have added Assassin's Creed II Bloopers to their favorites and alerts. It means a lot to me, really! Now with more stuff with those stupid Couriers!_

**Where Do They All Come From?**

"Keep away, you murderer!"

"Ah, some easy money." Ezio began running after the courier screaming for his life. The courier turned a corner, into a dead end. Ezio ran up, grabbed the courier and punched him. The courier gave his money to the assassin, begging for the assassin to spare him.

"I am but only a servant…" The courier pleaded, cowering.

Ezio turned and walked away. He put the pouch of money away and looked up. "Another one?" He shrugged and began running after the second courier. _"Okay… I don't need the money… I've already enough… but still…"_ He caught up to the courier and punched him in the back of the head.

The courier flew to the ground, then stood up slowly. "Please! Take the pouch… spare me…" He eagerly handed over the pouch of money.

Ezio put it away and spared the courier.

"Guards!"

Ezio sighed, annoyed. "A third one?" He turned and chased after the third courier, who led the chase up onto the rooftops. Ezio followed suit, racing an archer who began chasing the courier. Ezio assassinated the archer, then jumped onto the courier.

The courier did the same as the previous two. "Please… spare me…" He handed the money over.

Ezio put it away and jumped into a bale of hay. He peeked out and spotted another courier. "Ma cosa?" Ezio jumped out and walked up to the courier.

The courier ran, but couldn't go anywhere. He somehow gotten himself stuck in the wall.

Ezio sighed and punched the courier, taking the money, and walking away. He didn't check to see if he was still stuck in that wall or not. "Alright. I'm leaving… too many of them for my taste." Ezio began running for a fast travel station.

"Guards!"

"God… another one?" Ezio growled and stared at the running courier. "No. I'm not chasing after him." The assassin walked up to the fast travel station at the north gate of Firenze. He growled as he heard another courier running away, and ordered a ride to Vinezia.

After the long ride to Venice, Ezio stepped out of the carriage and walked into Venice. He looked around, deciding to practice his newly learned Long Weapon Skill on some guards.

"Keep away, you murderer!"

Ezio's face grew red. "WHERE DO THEY ALL COME FROM?"


	12. False Accusation

_A/N: More of those idioti we know and love. Couriers. Man I'm getting tired of them… Thanks for reading everyone!_

**False Accusation**

"C'mon! Can't I poison a guard in peace?" Ezio growled to himself as he ran from the trio of guards chasing him. He dove into the nearby waterway and swam under the bridge, hiding.

"I can't see him anymore!" The Venetian guards yelled, searching. When they gave up, they quit throwing stones aimlessly into the water and walked away. Ezio climbed out of the water and walked up to the trio of guards again, guarding the codex page. He stopped and turned, seeing someone in a red cape running away.

"Help! Guards!"

Ezio turned and began running after the courier. The courier ran up a set of boxes, climbing up the building.

"You're not supposed to be up here!" An archer began running after Ezio and the courier, the assassin unsure which one the archer was chasing. The courier jumped across to another building, gripping the edge of a rail and pulling himself up. Another archer noticed the courier and began chasing after him, confirming to Ezio that the archers were after the courier. Ezio tried to outrun the archers, wanting the money of the courier himself. The assassin attempted to tackle the courier, but was shoved out of the way by a third archer.

"Damn it!" Ezio growled, and saw the third archer pull out his sword. "No! Don't kill…"

Blood splattered in the air as the courier fell from the archway between buildings. The archers walked away, ignoring Ezio as he stared at the dead body.

"Shit…" The assassin jumped to the ground and looked at the assassin. He shrugged, "Oh well…" and proceeded to loot the dead courier.

"Hey!" A spear bearing guard ran up to Ezio.

"C'mon! I didn't even kill him! You Templar bastardi did!" Ezio proceeded to jump into a nearby waterway.


	13. Impending Revenge of the Eagle

_A/N: This one happened to Nightshade 07. If anyone else has moments/events they would like for me to add to the collection, by all means, do send them to me, and I'll add them to the collection. Thanks Nightshade 07 for the contributions!_

**The Eagle of Florence Shall Have His Revenge**

"Another eagle. Great! That means another viewpoint." Ezio smiled, watching the eagle in flight. He began towards the nearby tower, stopping only because a spear wielding guard walked by the assassin to a nearby hay bale.

"Are you hiding in here, my friend?" The guard poked and proded the hay.

Ezio roiled his brows, memories of the best day of his life coming to light. "Woah… Déjà vu!" He stopped and thought. "I could poison him again… but… that caused quite a commotion… albeit no one paid attention to me. And I'm sure people can recognize my kills with my Hidden Blades… so…" Ezio played with his left Hidden Blade, seeing the hidden gun. "Oooh… I'll shoot him!" Ezio muttered. He turned and quickly scaled the nearby building, preparing to play sniper with the guard. Ezio stood on the roof and looked for the guard. "Ma cosa? Aw man…" Ezio sighed, disappointed that the guard was gone. He turned and climbed the nearby tower to the viewpoint, synchronized, then performed the thrilling Leap of Faith. Ezio sighed as he climbed out, still bummed he couldn't kill the guard. He froze and smiled. "Well, well, well… Fortuna favors the Eagle."

The same spear bearing guard walked by with a patrol of three other guards. Ezio walked up behind him and stabbed his Hidden Blade into his back, withdrew it quickly, and dashed away. He stopped, turned and watched the events fold out. The guard twitched, signaling his death, and the other three turned and began freaking out. "What happened! Did anyone see the killer?"

Ezio stood and waited until the trio turned and began to walk away. As soon as they began walking, the assassin walked up and stabbed another, dashed away into a group of mercenaries and watched.

The two remaining guards paled and panicked even more. "Who did this?"

"I'm starting to get angry, someone come forward and tell me what happened." The other guard growled, looking around. He noticed Ezio hiding with the mercenaries and ran up to him, the second guard following. "Did you do this? You wouldn't like me when I'm angry because I tend to get violent."

"Now… I really don't want to fight… so if you'll let me…" Ezio tried to sidestep the guards so he could discretely assassinate the remaining duo. On the contrary, he shoved one of the two over.

"Hey!" The guards began screaming and pulled out their swords.

"Shit…" Ezio growled, activating his Hidden Blades and prepared to fight. "I'm not going to take this lying down!" He growled.

The guards swung at the assassin, and Ezio counter killed the duo, ending the fight as swiftly as it had started.

Ezio put away his hidden blades and looked at the duo's dead bodies as everyone began screaming and running away. "Now… If you'd both just minded your own business you could have died painlessly. But hey! It was your choice and we all have to pay the price for our decisions." Ezio turned away and thought, "As a certain bastardo named Rodrigo Borgia will soon find out!" People continued to run and scream, and the assassin began walking away smiling.

"The Eagle of Florence shall have his revenge."


	14. Piece of Feces

_A/N: I was STUNNED when this happened to me. And pissed off. No one calls me a PIECE OF SHIT! NO ONE!_

**Piece of Feces**

Ezio ran around the city of Florence, looking for trouble and money. As any seventeen-year-old would be. And he found it in an easy place.

"Hey, don't I know you?" One of the trio of Pazzi men stared at Ezio.

Ezio ran by them, not interested in fighting them yet. _I want a chase…_

"Hey! Get him!" The trio yelled and began running after the adolescent.

The teen turned and began fighting the Pazzi. Three punches each, and they were all out. Ezio began looting them of their money.

"Shame on you! You piece of shit!"

The hair on Ezio's neck raised. He stood up and turned to the crowd. "Who called me a piece of shit?" He began towards the crowd, and they dispersed, running. "Who called me a piece of shit? I'm going to kill who ever said it!" He lunged to the crowd and tackled random people who he suspected said the insult. Eventually he grew bored and began searching for money again.


	15. Hidden Blade Glitch

_A/N: … Alright… This I dunno if I can make it into a good story… but I'll try. (Hence as to the input from Dezzi and Lucy. This happened to myself, AND Nightshade 07… And I thought I was crazy… LOL._

**Hidden Blade Glitch**

After being called a piece of shit, Ezio was in no mood for anything. He scowled, stealing money from people, having picked up the skill on his own. "Mi dispiace, Father, but I need it." He stole money from a priest, from anyone he walked by. The Pazzi saw the adolescent and picked a fight with him. Ezio, being pissed off, lunged into the fight, punching the first guy repeatedly. The second guy he jumped up and assassinated. Stunned, he decided to attempt to repeat the weird glitch the Animus must have produced. He attacked the third Pazzi, with no luck. He stared at the dead Pazzi, then glanced at the two Pazzi licking their wounds.

_"What the hell was that?" _Desmond asked Lucy.

_"I don't know."_

_ "I don't have a hidden blade! How did Ezio kill that guy with a hidden blade?"_

_ "I don't know." _Lucy growled, irritated.

_"The Animus is glitching!"_

_ "Desmond! Don't scare me like that! Baby ain't glitchin'!" _Rebecca growled.

_"Yes it is…" _Desmond muttered.


	16. Trying for Anything

_A/N: Alright, this one happened to Hekateras. I'm sorry I'm just now adding it! ^^' Ah… Courtesans…_

**Trying for Anything**

"Come, ladies." Ezio handed money over to a group of lovely courtesans. "You're looking lovely tonight."

The ladies giggled and followed Ezio. Two of them looked at a group of nearby guards, and drifted over to them. "Hello, boys."

Ezio sighed. "At least I still have you two." He looked around for the other courtesans. "Ladies?"

"Oh, Father, won't you save me?" The courtesans flirted with a group of nearby priests, who ignored them.

Ezio blinked. "Okay… I guess they're tired of the Templar body?"


	17. True Leap of Faith

_A/N: Alright. This isn't really _funny_, or a _blooper_, but I feel the need to share it with you. Because, contrary to what has been expressed in the game, I feel that this is the TRUE LEAP OF FAITH. An d a courier is to be thanked for it. :D How many agree with the following?:_

**True Leap of Faith**

"Away with you, demon." Antonio Maffai growled.

"Requescat en pace." Ezio muttered as the priest was silenced once more. The assassin stood up and looked around Tuscany. He enjoyed being so far up in the air. The Eagle of Florence spotted a courier running through the streets. "Merda!" Ezio growled. "I have no money… I need money, but he's all the way down there, and there's no hay bale around." The assassin looked around. "Perhaps…" Ezio walked to the edge of the wooden platform surrounding the top of the tower. He jumped off, falling to the streets. His heart raced as he realized he was probably going to die. "Shit!" Ezio yelped just before grabbing a wooden post hanging off the side of the building. The Eagle smiled, but his smile faded when he realized the courier was no where to be seen. He sighed and dropped to the ground. "Damn it!" He looked back at the tower and his smile returned. "That was still amazing." HE turned and began running through the streets, searching for the courier. He passed a well when he saw the courier running down the nearby steps. He jumped to the nearby posts, running across them and landing swiftly next to the courier. He tackled the well dressed man.

"Please spare me! You can take it all!" The courier gasped as he handed over his pouch of money.

"Grazie, amico." Ezio walked away with his newfound faith. _"It isn't falling and knowing you'll land safely. It's taking the jump, not knowing you'll live to tell. That's the true Leap of Faith."_

_A/N: And I'm sorry… I don't remember how to spell that priest's name…_


	18. Misadventures of the Eagle, Pt 1

_A/N: So these are ideas/events that DarkenDepths said (some of which have happened to me, but I just didn't get around to posting them.). Many will be short, so I've put them all into two separate chapters. Enjoy!_

**Misadventures of the Eagle: Pt 1**

_**Of Horses**_

"Ah, Forli… But too much dirty water for my taste. What do you think?" Ezio patted the white horse he rode in on.

The horse whinnied.

"I agree." Ezio jumped off the horse and looted a nearby treasure chest. He turned and saw a purple horse. "What the?" He walked around, and the horse followed. "Now that's not natural… I rode in on that?"

The horse whinnied again.

"That's not right."

_**Of Couriers**_

"I've almost got you, you damned courier!" Ezio attempted to tackle the courier, but he slipped out of the assassin's hands. He ran too close to a guard, and said guard shoved him off the roof. "Eh. I'll still get the money." Ezio shrugged and looked where the courier fell. He wasn't on the ground. "Where the… shit. How'm I supposed to get your money now?"

The courier hung by his foot on a flowerpot, swinging in the wind.

_**Of Boats and Gondoliers**_

"Messer… I need to borrow this." Ezio jumped from the nearby ledge onto a boat.

"What the? AH!" The gondolier jumped into the water, drowning.

"But… you didn't have to… Oh why am I the only one who can fucking swim?" Ezio took the oar.

_**Of Rubber Guards**_

"You can't run forever!"

"I bet you I can!" Ezio yelled over his shoulder as he ran across the rooftops. "Let's see how quickly you bore…" The assassin slowed down enough for the guard to catch up, then started running again. When he failed to hear the guard behind him, Ezio turned around and saw the guard was falling. He watched the guard fall to the streets below. "Damn." Ezio sighed, then his eyes widened to his surprise when he saw the guard _bouncing_ in the streets. At points, he bounced up to the assassin's eye level. Finally his body came to rest on the rooftop next to Ezio's foot.

"Who did this?"

Ezio looked onto the streets again, and saw three guards gathered around a place where the body should've been. "Ma cosa?"

_**Of the Doctor's Mind**_

__"A weekly bleeding is part of a healthy lifestyle."

Ezio's arm ached from the recent beatings it just took. He walked up to the doctor.

_"You again? If you weren't my only customer, I'd call over the gaurds."_ The doctor scowled behind his mask. "How may I help you today?"


	19. Misadventures of the Eagle, Pt 2

_A/N: I'm sorry guys, but the next chapter will be the last I post of events that happen to me… For I must return my friends game. :( But! I finally got Assassin's Creed I, and I'm playing it currently! So I'll be adding any bloopers I find in Assassin's Creed. WOOH ALTAIR! *slapped* BUT! If there are any events that happen to you in ACII, or ACI for that matter, you can send them to me and I'll add them to the respective bloopers. :D Thank you all for reading, reviewing, and making me feel good because these made you laugh! So let's continue with DarkenDepths' ideas/events, shall we?_

**Misadventures of the Eagle: Pt. 2**

_**Of Horses**_

"Another eagle, another viewpoint." The Eagle of Florence looked at the eagle soaring around a tower at a townhouse in Tuscany. He rode up to it on his horse, jumped off and scaled the tower. After synchronizing the viewpoint Ezio climbed down to the ground. "Now, where'd my horse go?" Ezio didn't see his horse. He jumped when it whinnied, and he looked on the roof.

The horse pranced around on the roof.

"Ma cosa? How'd you get up there?"

_**Of Boats and Gondoliers**_

"Alright… you're not jumping off this time…" Ezio swam in the water, approaching a boat. He grabbed the edge of the boat and held on, pulling himself against it. His cape drug in the water as the gondolier failed to notice the assassin taking a free ride. "Heh… Got ya…" Ezio muttered. His arms grew tired, and with out thinking he climbed onto the boat. The gondolier yelped and jumped into the water, drowning. "Fuck!" Ezio growled and took the oar.

_**Of Rocks**_

Ezio, avoiding the guards, jumped onto the chandelier. The guards who had stormed Lorenzo de'Medici's palazzo growled and began throwing rocks at the assassin. "Ha, you missed me!" He dodged the rocks, threw knives and killed the guards. He crossed to the other chandelier, and a guard jumped from the ledge to the chandelier. Ezio jumped away onto the other one and looked back. Said guard was picking up rocks and throwing them at him. "What the? Where are you getting those rocks? From your ass?" He threw a knife and killed the guard. "Weirdo."

_**Of Angry Guards**_

Ezio spotted his next codex page and walked up to the four guards doing as their name said. Guarding it. Ezio attempted to poison a guard, but he was shoved backwards.

"You know what we do to troublemakers like you? We bring out Bruno the donkey." The guard growled, glaring at Ezio.

"Bruno? Ha." Ezio muttered, then walked up to the guard again.

"You need to learn the skills of survival! Part one: You don't even take a shit without permission while I'm on guard!"

Ezio sighed. _"Must you tempt me?"_ He walked up to the guard, tired of the games. "What about when you're _not_ on guard?" He stabbed the guard with poison and walked away, watching the fun unfold.


	20. Ribbons and Money

_A/N: This was completely by accident… *Sighs* Good bye ACII… Until September… :(_

**Ribbons and Money**

"Gentlemen, no matter if you win or lose, this will be surely your favorite game of the day! Ladies?"

Ezio watched the man dressed in pink as he explained the rules of the game.

"Collect the most ribbons and the Golden Mask may yet be yours!" The man smiled and started the game. "Begin."

Ezio began walking up to the ladies in front of him. He walked through them, missing them entirely. "Damn it…" He muttered, then looked when he did pickpocket 15 florins. "Alright." He shrugged and turned around, stealing the ribbons from the ladies. The ladies giggled and Ezio charmed them. He turned and began towards another group of ladies, who began to back away from him. "Ladies? C'mon. Could I trouble you for a ribbon?"

The ladies continued to walk away from him.

"What the?" Ezio turned around at hearing a growl. A fist connected with his face, and Ezio flew backwards. "What the diavolo!" Ezio growled and walked up to the host of the games. He realized why the host was upset. "Oh… That was your money? Oops…"

The host growled again and attempted to punch Ezio.

Ezio punched the host, his fist connecting with the host's face.

"Please! Sir, don't kill me!" The host whimpered as he cowered in front of the assassin.

Ezio smiled and walked away. "Hello ladies…"


	21. Broom of Doom

_A/N: I'm not dead… I've been kidnapped from the computer by school. ^^' So this one happened to __aceofspades27. And I'll admit, I feel this isn't as good as it could be (written-wise), because I've gotten out of the swing of things. And I had just a little bit of down time anyway. But thanks for sharing, Ace, and thanks for reading everyone!_

**Broom of Doom**

"Gotta get away…" Ezio muttered to himself, looking behind. It looked as if he had lost the guards. He nearly jolted out of his skin when he crashed. Rubbing his head, he stood up and looked around. A broom skidded to a stop next to the assassin.

The owner of a broom, a peasant cleaning outside his shop, twitched and lay still.

"Shit…" The assassin muttered. The array of broken wood surrounded the dead body, alerting the assassin as to how the man was killed. He walked up to the body and attempted to pick him up, but stopped, looked at the broom curiously, and picked up the broom.

"There he is! Get that stronzo!" The guards previously chasing the assassin rounded the corner.

"Merda!" He looked at the broom, then swung it. It crashed with an agile guard, knocking him over. "Holy shit!" Ezio gasped. "I didn't know a broom was that strong.." He smirked, and proceeded to attack the guards. Blood spilt as the broom met each of the guards bodies and heads, knocking each one out after a few blows.

The assassin looked at the carnage of the seven guards around him, and the blood on the broom. He tossed it down, picked up each dead man and tossed them into the nearby hay bale, having a new found respect for brooms.

_"They're good for cleaning up and killing…"_


	22. Frozen Reality

_A/N: This one happened to Go-Go-Go, and I find that hilarious! Thanks for sharing it!_

**Frozen Reality**

The ship loomed in the distance as the Auditore walked quickly. Claudia's words echoed in his head as he thought of his destination of Monteriggioni.

_"If it gets full, I keep what ever won't fit."_

Ezio was in desperate need of money, and he didn't need Claudia taking it, though he felt bad for sounding selfish. The chest wouldn't hold much anyway. He turned to the Vaggio, about fifteen meters away, when he spotted a guard. "_Merda!_ Can't have him see me…" Ezio had passed several posters advertising his notoriety. He walked out of the vision of the guard, stalked around behind him. Ezio stood so close, he could practically smell the guard, who smelled of sweat. He prepared his hidden blade, launched it and jumped around, slashing the guard in the neck. Ezio put away the blade and watched, secretly hoping the guard would fall in the water.

The man in the Fast Travel Station stood stricken, astonished.

"_Che cazzo?_" Ezio growled.

The guard _stood_ still.

The assassin walked up to the stiff guard and waved his hand in the guard's face. "What the hell?" He poked him in the chest. The guard didn't move or react as the blood seeped down his chest. "Fall over already!" Ezio growled, preparing to shove the guard.

"My god! Where are the guards?" Someone yelled as pedestrians stood around, watching the angry assassin.

Ezio pulled his hood on further and stalked away, shoving people out of the way. "Fuck him…"


End file.
